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Top emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder Posts

Do you pay attention to what your body is telling you? Again today I’ve been caught out feeling all kinds of something until I checked in with my body and it turns out I’m feeling anxiety!
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(Note : this is actually how I sat in my psychology sessions, and I didn’t even realise until I checked in with my body)
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[visual description : drawing of Naomi sat on a chair. She is white with long orange hair and is wearing a purple T-shirt. Above it says ‘anxiety signs’ with labels around the edge. These say “too many thoughts that I can’t think. Clenched jaw, biting hands, ridged safe arm barrier lots of tight knees, holds legs close, curled up toes, jelly legs when walking, physically swallows emotions, unhappy bowel & feeling sick, forgets to breathe, forced BIG smile and laugh, tight neck and shoulders, sensitive to noise, can’t see properly, “my head is the size of a pea” feelings.” She is sat with her arms tangled up and knees close to her body.]
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#eupd #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #mentalhealthart #dbt #dbtskills #dbtdrawings #borderlinerecovery #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthart #anxiety #selfcare #recovery

Do you pay attention to what your body is telling you? Again today I’ve been caught out feeling all kinds of something until I checked in with my body and it turns out I’m feeling anxiety! • (Note : this is actually how I sat in my psychology sessions, and I didn’t even realise until I checked in with my body) • [visual description : drawing of Naomi sat on a chair. She is white with long orange hair and is wearing a purple T-shirt. Above it says ‘anxiety signs’ with labels around the edge. These say “too many thoughts that I can’t think. Clenched jaw, biting hands, ridged safe arm barrier lots of tight knees, holds legs close, curled up toes, jelly legs when walking, physically swallows emotions, unhappy bowel & feeling sick, forgets to breathe, forced BIG smile and laugh, tight neck and shoulders, sensitive to noise, can’t see properly, “my head is the size of a pea” feelings.” She is sat with her arms tangled up and knees close to her body.] • #eupd #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #mentalhealthart #dbt #dbtskills #dbtdrawings #borderlinerecovery #mentalhealth #mentalillness #mentalhealthart #anxiety #selfcare #recovery

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🙋🏻‍♀️

Ppl w/ BPD be like

Ppl w/ BPD be like

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Latest emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder Posts

This little rugrat came to see me today with my besto and we put the world to rights, had plenty of cuddles and plenty of laughs. I love that my best friend has her own little mini me as she is the most amazing mum and an even more amazing friend. I cant wait for this little baba to grow up so I can embarrass her with the pictures of her frilly bloomers bum and waving her off at the school gates. 🤗🤗🤗🤗 #eupd #bpd #personalitydisorder #recovery #mh #mentalhealth #mentalillness #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpdproblems #eupdproblems #actuallyborderline #mentalhealthblog #mentalhealthblogger #borderline #actuallybpd #bpdlife #eupdlife #depression #anxiety #selfharm #personalitydisorders

This little rugrat came to see me today with my besto and we put the world to rights, had plenty of cuddles and plenty of laughs. I love that my best friend has her own little mini me as she is the most amazing mum and an even more amazing friend. I cant wait for this little baba to grow up so I can embarrass her with the pictures of her frilly bloomers bum and waving her off at the school gates. 🤗🤗🤗🤗 #eupd #bpd #personalitydisorder #recovery #mh #mentalhealth #mentalillness #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpdproblems #eupdproblems #actuallyborderline #mentalhealthblog #mentalhealthblogger #borderline #actuallybpd #bpdlife #eupdlife #depression #anxiety #selfharm #personalitydisorders

Had a short visit with my uncle today. I went outside, smiled, had a great conversation. He said I should be proud. So I am. After the visit with Unc and my husband being the most supportive man ever; I’m feeling a little better. I wanted to share something that makes me smile every day....These pics are my coffee table. Riley has taken it over. It may look like just a complete mess of stuff. I assure you it’s not. Every little thing has a place and if anyone moves anything....well...just don’t. Why did we sacrifice our coffee table so she can have her little “town”? Because we love her and it makes her happy. #bewhoyouneeded #thelifeofriley #bpd #bpddiagnosis #safespace #mentalhealth #mentalillness #socialanxiety #myjourney #bpdawareness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #majordepressivedisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #raisingawareness #endthestigma #mentalhealthawareness #ptsd #cptsd #eupd #GAD #panicdisorder #agoraphobia

Had a short visit with my uncle today. I went outside, smiled, had a great conversation. He said I should be proud. So I am. After the visit with Unc and my husband being the most supportive man ever; I’m feeling a little better. I wanted to share something that makes me smile every day....These pics are my coffee table. Riley has taken it over. It may look like just a complete mess of stuff. I assure you it’s not. Every little thing has a place and if anyone moves anything....well...just don’t. Why did we sacrifice our coffee table so she can have her little “town”? Because we love her and it makes her happy. #bewhoyouneeded #thelifeofriley #bpd #bpddiagnosis #safespace #mentalhealth #mentalillness #socialanxiety #myjourney #bpdawareness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #majordepressivedisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #raisingawareness #endthestigma #mentalhealthawareness #ptsd #cptsd #eupd #GAD #panicdisorder #agoraphobia

Haha me everyday😅 repost from @bpdmatters . I used to not even be able to talk normally when I dissociated but I’ve gotten so used to it that I can actually carry on a conversation! Dissociative disorders suck but you can get to the point where you can live with them. But even still, now that I learned to cope with it, when it hits me sometimes it literally takes my breath away. And soon I can’t even tell if something actually happened or not or if I just imagined it! Like it really tears me away from reality and makes me question what’s real and what’s not. But this is literally hilarious☝️🤣!! Im crying and laughing at the same time LOLL😅 #dissociation #dissociate #dissociativedisorder #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonality #personalitydisorder #eupd #emotionallyunstable #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #ocd #anxiety #depression #depressed #recovery #fighter #psychosis #schizoaffective #anorexia #eatingdisorder #edrecovery #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #staystrong #bestrong #meme #mentalhealthmeme

Haha me everyday😅 repost from @bpdmatters . I used to not even be able to talk normally when I dissociated but I’ve gotten so used to it that I can actually carry on a conversation! Dissociative disorders suck but you can get to the point where you can live with them. But even still, now that I learned to cope with it, when it hits me sometimes it literally takes my breath away. And soon I can’t even tell if something actually happened or not or if I just imagined it! Like it really tears me away from reality and makes me question what’s real and what’s not. But this is literally hilarious☝️🤣!! Im crying and laughing at the same time LOLL😅 #dissociation #dissociate #dissociativedisorder #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonality #personalitydisorder #eupd #emotionallyunstable #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #ocd #anxiety #depression #depressed #recovery #fighter #psychosis #schizoaffective #anorexia #eatingdisorder #edrecovery #mentalillness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #staystrong #bestrong #meme #mentalhealthmeme

Attempting to get my evaluation today to start therapy. I say attempting because I am having difficulty finding someone who takes my insurance. There is a nonprofit close by that only takes walk ins for evals. Fingers crossed they have someone I can see today. To ease my anxiety I’m helping Riley find some rainbow crystals with Kiki.
#bpd #bpddiagnosis #safespace #mentalhealth #mentalillness #socialanxiety #myjourney #bpdawareness #cptsd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #majordepressivedisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #raisingawareness #endthestigma #eupd #personalitydisorder #mentalhealthawareness #ptsd

Attempting to get my evaluation today to start therapy. I say attempting because I am having difficulty finding someone who takes my insurance. There is a nonprofit close by that only takes walk ins for evals. Fingers crossed they have someone I can see today. To ease my anxiety I’m helping Riley find some rainbow crystals with Kiki. #bpd #bpddiagnosis #safespace #mentalhealth #mentalillness #socialanxiety #myjourney #bpdawareness #cptsd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #majordepressivedisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #raisingawareness #endthestigma #eupd #personalitydisorder #mentalhealthawareness #ptsd

I have to share this subreddit. It’s a community of people who are struggling or have struggled. They are sharing “hacks” on how to make life a little easier for those of us struggling just to survive. People helping people in a nonjudgmental way. #reddit #bpd #bpddiagnosis #safespace #mentalhealth #mentalillness #ptsd #socialanxiety #myjourney #bpdawareness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #majordepressivedisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #raisingawareness #endthestigma
#eupd #personalitydisorder #mentalhealthawareness

I have to share this subreddit. It’s a community of people who are struggling or have struggled. They are sharing “hacks” on how to make life a little easier for those of us struggling just to survive. People helping people in a nonjudgmental way. #reddit #bpd #bpddiagnosis #safespace #mentalhealth #mentalillness #ptsd #socialanxiety #myjourney #bpdawareness #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #majordepressivedisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #raisingawareness #endthestigma #eupd #personalitydisorder #mentalhealthawareness

approach with caution and coffee! last night was the worst night in a long time, fighting suicidal thoughts a panic attack that lasted hours, not sleeping until gone 5am and my meds not helping. Thankyou @shea_berlin for always being my rock and talking to me until I felt calm enough to lay down and relax, for being my calm in the storm and never giving up on me even on days where I want to give up on myself❤ #mentalhealth #mentalillness #recovery #bpd #eupd #ptsd #mooddisorder #anxiety #depression #boarderlinepersonalitydisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #staystrong #nevergiveup #neverlosehope #youarenotalone #yougotthis #itsoknottobeok #edrecovery #edwarrior #eatingdisorderrecovery #did

approach with caution and coffee! last night was the worst night in a long time, fighting suicidal thoughts a panic attack that lasted hours, not sleeping until gone 5am and my meds not helping. Thankyou @shea_berlin for always being my rock and talking to me until I felt calm enough to lay down and relax, for being my calm in the storm and never giving up on me even on days where I want to give up on myself❤ #mentalhealth #mentalillness #recovery #bpd #eupd #ptsd #mooddisorder #anxiety #depression #boarderlinepersonalitydisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #staystrong #nevergiveup #neverlosehope #youarenotalone #yougotthis #itsoknottobeok #edrecovery #edwarrior #eatingdisorderrecovery #did

I wrote a piece for Time to Change about experiencing stigma with a BPD diagnosis and it’s published on their site today! 🥰⁣
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Link in the @timetochangecampaign bio - please give it a read if you can! ⁣
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#timetochange #stigma #youngchampion #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #bpdawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #blogger #thisgirlwrites #amwriting #wildthoughts

I wrote a piece for Time to Change about experiencing stigma with a BPD diagnosis and it’s published on their site today! 🥰⁣ ⁣ Link in the @timetochangecampaign bio - please give it a read if you can! ⁣ ⁣ #timetochange #stigma #youngchampion #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #bpdawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #blogger #thisgirlwrites #amwriting #wildthoughts

LOLL IM DYING😅! Repost from @thehavenmh ... it doesn’t always work though therapists can literally read your mind😳😂. So today is a bit better so far except this morning I had a minor mental breakdown where I just looked at this email that I got and started laughing HYSTERICALLY and it wasn’t even a funny email it was just a normal email! And then while I was laughing I just started crying so hard like idk wtf is wrong with me😳😫! But y’all with BPD could probably relate to this LOL! Those mood swings tho... so I guess I’m just a *slightly* emotionally unstable person... I continue to prove that to myself👌. Today is 7 WEEKS since I last self harmed!! I almost did it the other night but I reminded myself of how awful I would feel after about an hour of relief. Or when I got up in the morning, that’s always the worst part. So I got through it! Anyway, I’m telling myself that even though today still is not very good, it’s better than the rest of the week this week and last week. So I shouldn’t be complaining very much, I mean even feeling a little better than you did is an achievement👌. I do still feel pretty awful to be completely honest but I’m honestly hoping it’ll just stay like this (since it’s a little better) for the rest of the day so I can just have a freaking break!! But ya never know with this type of stuff... so all I can do is hope even tho I’ve told myself to stop hoping because it always gets crushed😳. So hope everyone’s doing well and having a pleasant day💜. #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonality #personalitydisorder #eupd #emotionallyunstable #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #moodswings #depressed #depression #emotional #psychosis #schizoaffective #ocd #anxiety #anorexia #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorder #meme #therapist #edrecovery #recovery #recover #fighter #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #stigmafree #strong

LOLL IM DYING😅! Repost from @thehavenmh ... it doesn’t always work though therapists can literally read your mind😳😂. So today is a bit better so far except this morning I had a minor mental breakdown where I just looked at this email that I got and started laughing HYSTERICALLY and it wasn’t even a funny email it was just a normal email! And then while I was laughing I just started crying so hard like idk wtf is wrong with me😳😫! But y’all with BPD could probably relate to this LOL! Those mood swings tho... so I guess I’m just a *slightly* emotionally unstable person... I continue to prove that to myself👌. Today is 7 WEEKS since I last self harmed!! I almost did it the other night but I reminded myself of how awful I would feel after about an hour of relief. Or when I got up in the morning, that’s always the worst part. So I got through it! Anyway, I’m telling myself that even though today still is not very good, it’s better than the rest of the week this week and last week. So I shouldn’t be complaining very much, I mean even feeling a little better than you did is an achievement👌. I do still feel pretty awful to be completely honest but I’m honestly hoping it’ll just stay like this (since it’s a little better) for the rest of the day so I can just have a freaking break!! But ya never know with this type of stuff... so all I can do is hope even tho I’ve told myself to stop hoping because it always gets crushed😳. So hope everyone’s doing well and having a pleasant day💜. #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonality #personalitydisorder #eupd #emotionallyunstable #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #moodswings #depressed #depression #emotional #psychosis #schizoaffective #ocd #anxiety #anorexia #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorder #meme #therapist #edrecovery #recovery #recover #fighter #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #mentalillness #stigmafree #strong

Lying on the beach is the most freeing experience.
I lay down and meditated and let me tell you it did me the world of good.
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It’s shown me despite how ever my mind has warped me, affected me physically or not allow me to do something. I just need time. Quiet. The sea. Not always attainable but always helps ♥️
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Keep going beautiful people
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#socialanxiety #anxiety #anxious #anxietyattack #unistudent #openuni #psychologystudent #bpdrecovery #recovery #bpdfam #bpdwarrior #bpdmeme #eupd #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #borderline #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #letstalkmentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealthblog #instablog #ristriction #bodydismorphicdisorder #cptsd #complexposttraumaticstressdisorder #hearingvoices #auditoryhallucinations #yougotthis

Lying on the beach is the most freeing experience. I lay down and meditated and let me tell you it did me the world of good. : : : : It’s shown me despite how ever my mind has warped me, affected me physically or not allow me to do something. I just need time. Quiet. The sea. Not always attainable but always helps ♥️ : : Keep going beautiful people : : : #socialanxiety #anxiety #anxious #anxietyattack #unistudent #openuni #psychologystudent #bpdrecovery #recovery #bpdfam #bpdwarrior #bpdmeme #eupd #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #borderline #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #letstalkmentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealthblog #instablog #ristriction #bodydismorphicdisorder #cptsd #complexposttraumaticstressdisorder #hearingvoices #auditoryhallucinations #yougotthis

There is no in between

There is no in between

Feels like I'm back at rock bottom again. I know this place well as I have been here so much, this also means I have got out of it many times before though. Its exhausting, dont get me wrong, it really is exhausting to start again and to find the effort, energy and motivation to keep trying but it's what's needed to get back up again.
I'm physically and emotionally exhausted so I think il rest here and while to get the energy to keep fighting.
I think at the moment it's important to be kind to myself as I am suffering with alot of intense emotions and intrusive thoughts and I think it's important to be there for myself right now and look after that inner child who clearly needs some love right now.
That leads me on to respecting myself, making sure I'm aware of what I want and not spending time with people who are not good for my health just beacuse I want to be around someone or making sure that I'm not off in search of physical affection from someone who will just take advantage and use me. Stepping back and trying to work out what I really want and need is going to be Important for that one! (also need to reduce the amount of accounts I follow here as it's just too overwhelming at the moment, if I unfollow then im sorry, lifes just a bit too much atm and please know I am still here if you want to message or if you need help or advice x)
Last but not least I will keep trying to create a life worth living and make sure I have opportunities for growth and also for fun 💙🙃💙
I hope you guys are ok x thank you for all the support atm it means so much to me x

Feels like I'm back at rock bottom again. I know this place well as I have been here so much, this also means I have got out of it many times before though. Its exhausting, dont get me wrong, it really is exhausting to start again and to find the effort, energy and motivation to keep trying but it's what's needed to get back up again. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted so I think il rest here and while to get the energy to keep fighting. I think at the moment it's important to be kind to myself as I am suffering with alot of intense emotions and intrusive thoughts and I think it's important to be there for myself right now and look after that inner child who clearly needs some love right now. That leads me on to respecting myself, making sure I'm aware of what I want and not spending time with people who are not good for my health just beacuse I want to be around someone or making sure that I'm not off in search of physical affection from someone who will just take advantage and use me. Stepping back and trying to work out what I really want and need is going to be Important for that one! (also need to reduce the amount of accounts I follow here as it's just too overwhelming at the moment, if I unfollow then im sorry, lifes just a bit too much atm and please know I am still here if you want to message or if you need help or advice x) Last but not least I will keep trying to create a life worth living and make sure I have opportunities for growth and also for fun 💙🙃💙 I hope you guys are ok x thank you for all the support atm it means so much to me x

Today was a tough day. I’ll keep it brief. I attended an appointment.. 3 hours later I came away exhausted feeling like I’d gone over my full mental health history to the deepest points with a total stranger who was darting question after question about my life at me and then to find out by her that in 2013 I’d actually been given a diagnosis by a psychiatrist in Leeds and I wasn’t even aware yet she had the paperwork in front of her to confirm. Well that was an odd day! I’m glad 6 year later I have the information and luckily it reflects the same as the working diagnosis I currently have here in Beverley. Hoping for a calmer day tomorrow and a goodnight sleep. 🤞🏻I’m grateful for today’s appointment as I know it will bring good things and my gosh she was a good listener and completely understood but right now I feel naf!. #beverley #mind #rethink #mentalhealthawareness #mh #mentalhealthrecovery #myrecovery #recovery #talk #mymentalwellnessmatters #mymentalhealthjourney #bpd #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #pma #potd

Today was a tough day. I’ll keep it brief. I attended an appointment.. 3 hours later I came away exhausted feeling like I’d gone over my full mental health history to the deepest points with a total stranger who was darting question after question about my life at me and then to find out by her that in 2013 I’d actually been given a diagnosis by a psychiatrist in Leeds and I wasn’t even aware yet she had the paperwork in front of her to confirm. Well that was an odd day! I’m glad 6 year later I have the information and luckily it reflects the same as the working diagnosis I currently have here in Beverley. Hoping for a calmer day tomorrow and a goodnight sleep. 🤞🏻I’m grateful for today’s appointment as I know it will bring good things and my gosh she was a good listener and completely understood but right now I feel naf!. #beverley #mind #rethink #mentalhealthawareness #mh #mentalhealthrecovery #myrecovery #recovery #talk #mymentalwellnessmatters #mymentalhealthjourney #bpd #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #pma #potd

Gratitude sounds easy. But in reality it’s another one of those ‘easier said than done’ situations. .
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Being grateful is hard. And it is especially hard for those of us with mental illnesses. The demons within like us to feel like shit. So, it makes sense they don’t want us to see or appreciate the good things we have! .
So, it’s time we fight back 💪🏻
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Are you ready?
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If you are, comment below and tell me why you are ready to fight back against those demons and to start being grateful for the smaller things in every day life. .
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#strongerthanthemind #mentalhealth #mentalillness #panicattack #itsokaynottobeokay #bpdawarness #mentalillnessawareness #mentalhealthawarness #dissociation #intrusivethoughts #mentalhealthrecovery #anxietyproblems #itsoknottobeok #mentalwellbeing #bpdrecovery #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #anxiety #depression #ptsd #complexptsd #psychosis #postnataldepression #postpartumdepression #bipolar #socialanxiety #ptsd #personalitydisorder #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthhelp

Gratitude sounds easy. But in reality it’s another one of those ‘easier said than done’ situations. . . Being grateful is hard. And it is especially hard for those of us with mental illnesses. The demons within like us to feel like shit. So, it makes sense they don’t want us to see or appreciate the good things we have! . So, it’s time we fight back 💪🏻 . Are you ready? . If you are, comment below and tell me why you are ready to fight back against those demons and to start being grateful for the smaller things in every day life. . . #strongerthanthemind #mentalhealth #mentalillness #panicattack #itsokaynottobeokay #bpdawarness #mentalillnessawareness #mentalhealthawarness #dissociation #intrusivethoughts #mentalhealthrecovery #anxietyproblems #itsoknottobeok #mentalwellbeing #bpdrecovery #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #anxiety #depression #ptsd #complexptsd #psychosis #postnataldepression #postpartumdepression #bipolar #socialanxiety #ptsd #personalitydisorder #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthhelp

Building Mastery is great for Emotion Regulation.
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Building mastery is about preparing for success and not failure. It can include things such as cooking, travelling new places or learning a new craft.
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See my story for how I have been building mastery this week...
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[visual description: drawing of Naomi who is white with long brown hair. She is stood with a high vis jacket on and a builders hard hat holding a hammer. She is stood in front of a brick wall that says “building mastery”. There is a yellow crane in the background.]
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#dbtskills #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #borderlinerecovery #dialecticalbehaviortherapy #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #eupd #bpd #dbtdrawings #emotions #mentalhealth #mentalillness #recovery #emotionregulation

Building Mastery is great for Emotion Regulation. • Building mastery is about preparing for success and not failure. It can include things such as cooking, travelling new places or learning a new craft. • See my story for how I have been building mastery this week... • [visual description: drawing of Naomi who is white with long brown hair. She is stood with a high vis jacket on and a builders hard hat holding a hammer. She is stood in front of a brick wall that says “building mastery”. There is a yellow crane in the background.] • #dbtskills #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #borderlinerecovery #dialecticalbehaviortherapy #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #eupd #bpd #dbtdrawings #emotions #mentalhealth #mentalillness #recovery #emotionregulation

Turning Cold and Detaching From Pain
It’s been over a week since I told him goodbye. It’s definitely been a healthy choice. Since I’ve told myself that I need to be away from him, things are getting better. I don’t obsess over him, I don’t worry about him messaging me or not. I don’t worry about having to act like everything’s okay around him when it’s not. I don’t worry about if I do message him, will I get a reply? I don’t feel paranoid at my every move. I don’t dwell on what I said to him. It’s amazing how many emotions, thoughts and feelings I get around a person I feel strongly about. It’s actually scary when I think about it. Saying it out loud is a whole different thing. Sometimes I think about him and I think, “Do I really miss him? Was it really something amazing, I felt like he could be the one, do I think that now or is that just the obsessive BPD talking?” I’ll never really know if I was in love, I don’t know what love is.
I’ve said “I love you” so many times to so many people in the past. I misunderstood attention as love. If someone showed me a nice side to them, was a shoulder to cry on, a decent person in anyway, I would feel like I owe them something. Sleep with them normally then feel like I must love them and we need each other. I have never formed relationships that weren’t emotional crutches.
When I think of him, I feel nothing at first. When I choose to did deeper and think about whether or not I loved him. I then remember him. I remember how we met and how we bonded over so many things. When we talked I would always laugh, sometimes cry and I could talk and listen to him for hours. Thinking about him in that way; his company, how fascinating, intelligent, creative, funny, caring, sensitive and kind he was is; unlocks a warmth inside me that I can feel but don’t want to feel. It’s like a drug, an addiction, a feeling so good it makes the shit seem fine. I have to lock that feeling back up. Go back to being cold and focus on myself. When I do think of him, I have to think about the bad points, it’s the only thing that stops my mind from wandering further. .
#bpd #mentalhealth #emotionalcrutch #attachmentissues #bpdrelationships

Turning Cold and Detaching From Pain It’s been over a week since I told him goodbye. It’s definitely been a healthy choice. Since I’ve told myself that I need to be away from him, things are getting better. I don’t obsess over him, I don’t worry about him messaging me or not. I don’t worry about having to act like everything’s okay around him when it’s not. I don’t worry about if I do message him, will I get a reply? I don’t feel paranoid at my every move. I don’t dwell on what I said to him. It’s amazing how many emotions, thoughts and feelings I get around a person I feel strongly about. It’s actually scary when I think about it. Saying it out loud is a whole different thing. Sometimes I think about him and I think, “Do I really miss him? Was it really something amazing, I felt like he could be the one, do I think that now or is that just the obsessive BPD talking?” I’ll never really know if I was in love, I don’t know what love is. I’ve said “I love you” so many times to so many people in the past. I misunderstood attention as love. If someone showed me a nice side to them, was a shoulder to cry on, a decent person in anyway, I would feel like I owe them something. Sleep with them normally then feel like I must love them and we need each other. I have never formed relationships that weren’t emotional crutches. When I think of him, I feel nothing at first. When I choose to did deeper and think about whether or not I loved him. I then remember him. I remember how we met and how we bonded over so many things. When we talked I would always laugh, sometimes cry and I could talk and listen to him for hours. Thinking about him in that way; his company, how fascinating, intelligent, creative, funny, caring, sensitive and kind he was is; unlocks a warmth inside me that I can feel but don’t want to feel. It’s like a drug, an addiction, a feeling so good it makes the shit seem fine. I have to lock that feeling back up. Go back to being cold and focus on myself. When I do think of him, I have to think about the bad points, it’s the only thing that stops my mind from wandering further. . #bpd #mentalhealth #emotionalcrutch #attachmentissues #bpdrelationships

I have never been ashamed of my scars but the thought of explaining them to my daughter scared the crap out of me! Today was the start of the cover up, I am in love with my tattoo even more than my other ones because it is finally closing a door on my dark past... well the start anyway lots more to cover 😂😂 #bpd #bpdmum #bpdawareness #bpdsupport #bpdrecovery #bpdwarrior #bpdthings #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonality #borderlinepersonalitydisorderawareness #borderlinerecovery #borderlinepersonalitydisorderrecovery #eupdmum #eupdlife #eupd #eupdrecovery #eupdawareness #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonality #mentalhealth #mentalillness #tattoo #selfharm

I have never been ashamed of my scars but the thought of explaining them to my daughter scared the crap out of me! Today was the start of the cover up, I am in love with my tattoo even more than my other ones because it is finally closing a door on my dark past... well the start anyway lots more to cover 😂😂 #bpd #bpdmum #bpdawareness #bpdsupport #bpdrecovery #bpdwarrior #bpdthings #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #borderlinepersonality #borderlinepersonalitydisorderawareness #borderlinerecovery #borderlinepersonalitydisorderrecovery #eupdmum #eupdlife #eupd #eupdrecovery #eupdawareness #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #emotionallyunstablepersonality #mentalhealth #mentalillness #tattoo #selfharm

So I recently emailed my counsellor a brief timeline of my past...
.
Up until now she knew very little other than there is trauma and a few things from 12 onwards that have come up.
I needed her to know, I'm hoping it'll help her understand me that bit better. But I'm struggling alot with it.
I'd mentioned what was in the email isn't something I'm able nor wanting to talk about in appointments just yet. And in my heart I know she won't pry but I am still absolutely terrified to see her on Thursday 😣
.
I'm having so so many intrusive thoughts. Everything ranging from 'your trauma isn't that bad' to 'your dogs gonna die because you told'... And honestly as much as I know and I'm aware these are just thoughts, they're not true and they cant hurt me nor others, it is still pretty dam hard to hear and handle.
I feel so vulnerable, fragile, raw...and I hate it. I really dont know how I'm going to face her on Thursday 😞
She's lovely though, I know it'll be ok, but just knowing she knows now (even though all I really gave her were the labels and no actual details) is really hard.
Is it meant to be this hard? I was hoping it would ease some of this heaviness, but actually all it's done is make it that bit heavier 😔
Maybe after I see her it'll get lighter. Maybe. I hope so.

So I recently emailed my counsellor a brief timeline of my past... . Up until now she knew very little other than there is trauma and a few things from 12 onwards that have come up. I needed her to know, I'm hoping it'll help her understand me that bit better. But I'm struggling alot with it. I'd mentioned what was in the email isn't something I'm able nor wanting to talk about in appointments just yet. And in my heart I know she won't pry but I am still absolutely terrified to see her on Thursday 😣 . I'm having so so many intrusive thoughts. Everything ranging from 'your trauma isn't that bad' to 'your dogs gonna die because you told'... And honestly as much as I know and I'm aware these are just thoughts, they're not true and they cant hurt me nor others, it is still pretty dam hard to hear and handle. I feel so vulnerable, fragile, raw...and I hate it. I really dont know how I'm going to face her on Thursday 😞 She's lovely though, I know it'll be ok, but just knowing she knows now (even though all I really gave her were the labels and no actual details) is really hard. Is it meant to be this hard? I was hoping it would ease some of this heaviness, but actually all it's done is make it that bit heavier 😔 Maybe after I see her it'll get lighter. Maybe. I hope so.

I need to say a bit about what's going on with my mental health. I've been ten weeks off work now and yesterday I got signed off for two more months. That was a bit of a blow, I had really thought I might be able to go back soon. I also thought the same a few weeks back when I went to occupational health and I thought I'd be able to go back so and they told me I wasn't even mildly ready to be back. I think I need to learn to have more realistic expectations. Yesterday I had a really good chat with my doctor. She said I have such a vibrant personality that people are drawn to me and even when I'm depressed, anxious, feel intense panic and having obsessive thoughts about death, people are drawn to my positive nature and my warmth and charisma. She said I'm naturally a people pleaser and so I say what people want to hear, and I don't even realise I'm doing it. She said even though she's my doctor and the reason I see her is that I'm unwell, I'm always keen to tell her how much better I'm doing, and if it was up to me I'd hardly ever mention to her all the bad things buried deep inside me that stop me being truly better. I suppose it is the same positive nature that means I feel I'm constantly having to remind people that just because they saw me smiling or doing any things on social media that it doesn't mean I'm better and also not to mistake moments of thinking positively for suddenly being 'cured'. I think I have deeply suppressed some of this stuff from coming out for so damn long that now it's really starting to then it's hard to put a lid back on it. Meantime I carry on being a people pleaser and reporting that I'm getting better while I'm swimming through treacle. We've adjusted my meds but the doctor said in reality nothing of significance will change for me until I've had the therapy that I've long been awaiting, and she said she thinks it'll be many months before I'm back at work.
#bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #eupd #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #mentalhealth #MentalHealthAwareness #mentalhealthblogger #mh #mentalhealthrecovery #dbt #dbtskills #dbttherapy #mentalbreakdown #mentalhealthdenial #depression #anxiety #death #obsessive

I need to say a bit about what's going on with my mental health. I've been ten weeks off work now and yesterday I got signed off for two more months. That was a bit of a blow, I had really thought I might be able to go back soon. I also thought the same a few weeks back when I went to occupational health and I thought I'd be able to go back so and they told me I wasn't even mildly ready to be back. I think I need to learn to have more realistic expectations. Yesterday I had a really good chat with my doctor. She said I have such a vibrant personality that people are drawn to me and even when I'm depressed, anxious, feel intense panic and having obsessive thoughts about death, people are drawn to my positive nature and my warmth and charisma. She said I'm naturally a people pleaser and so I say what people want to hear, and I don't even realise I'm doing it. She said even though she's my doctor and the reason I see her is that I'm unwell, I'm always keen to tell her how much better I'm doing, and if it was up to me I'd hardly ever mention to her all the bad things buried deep inside me that stop me being truly better. I suppose it is the same positive nature that means I feel I'm constantly having to remind people that just because they saw me smiling or doing any things on social media that it doesn't mean I'm better and also not to mistake moments of thinking positively for suddenly being 'cured'. I think I have deeply suppressed some of this stuff from coming out for so damn long that now it's really starting to then it's hard to put a lid back on it. Meantime I carry on being a people pleaser and reporting that I'm getting better while I'm swimming through treacle. We've adjusted my meds but the doctor said in reality nothing of significance will change for me until I've had the therapy that I've long been awaiting, and she said she thinks it'll be many months before I'm back at work. #bpd #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #eupd #emotionallyunstablepersonalitydisorder #mentalhealth #MentalHealthAwareness #mentalhealthblogger #mh #mentalhealthrecovery #dbt #dbtskills #dbttherapy #mentalbreakdown #mentalhealthdenial #depression #anxiety #death #obsessive